Angie sat at her back corner desk, toiling over the math test. She had been dreading this day. Every evening for the past week she had prepared for the test with her dad’s help, struggling to understand the problems. Now the day had come. The test was just as difficult as she had expected. Math definitely was not her strong point.
She sat back to take a deep breath. As she was gazing nowhere in particular, she suddenly noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Her friend, Debbie, who sat in the next row over from her, was peering at a scrap of paper in the shelf under her desktop. She could clearly see some numbers written on the paper. As Angie sat staring, suddenly her friend noticed her, and shoved the paper into the shelf.
Debbie looked over at her and put her finger to her lips as if she was afraid Angie might say something to the teacher. Without showing any emotions on her face, Angie looked back at her own test and started working again.
Twenty-five minutes later, the bell rang to signal the end of the period. The teacher collected all the tests, and the students poured into the corridor. Debbie hurried out of the room without looking back at Angie, who scurried to try to catch up with her. She finally met up with her at Debbie’s locker.
Debbie was clearly embarrassed.
“What were you doing back there, Deb?” asked Angie, although she already knew the answer.
“Please don’t say anything to Miss Jensen,” Debbie pleaded.
“I can’t stand math. I just wanted to pass the test.”
“Deb,” retorted Angie. “I don’t like math any more than you do, but I don’t think it’s right to cheat.”
“Please, don’t tell,” was all her friend could say. She looked at Angie with beseeching eyes. As her eyes met Debbie’s, Angie looked down. To hold her friend's gaze meant she would have to either agree to, or reject, her friend’s plea right then and there. She needed time to think. Debbie rushed off.
It was lunch period. Angie shuffled slowly down to the cafeteria. An inner conflict raged within her. If she told Miss Jensen, she would be betraying her friend. If she didn’t, she would be breaking school rules and going against her own beliefs. What to do?
As she descended the stairs to the cafeteria, Angie noticed her math teacher, Miss Jensen, standing at the bottom, talking to one of her classmates. As she approached the bottom step, they finished their conversation, and the student walked off. Miss Jensen turned to Angie.
“Well, Angie, how was the test?” Miss Jensen knew how much Angie struggled with math.
Angie responded, “All right, I guess.” Should she tell her about Debbie?
“I know you worked hard to prepare for this test,” her teacher said. “I’m sure you did just fine.”
Miss Jensen began to walk away.
“Miss Jensen?” Angie found herself saying. “There is one thing I have to tell you.”
The teacher turned back around to face Angie. “Yes?”
“It’s about Debbie Hunter. I saw her cheating during the test.”
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Miss Jensen replied. “She cheats on practically every test.”
“Really?” Angie said wide-eyed. “Have you seen her do it?”
"No, but she doesn’t make much effort in class and often doesn’t turn in her homework. Then, when she does well on a test, I know something’s up. I guess I’ll have to have a conference with her and her mother again.” Miss Jensen shook her head and sighed. “She thinks she’s getting away with something, but all she is doing is hurting herself.”
She looked again at Angie. “Thanks for being honest, Angie. Don’t worry. You’re not betraying your friend; you’re helping her.”
Comments
Honesty is one of the most basic values in life. It influences every aspect of our character and is related to many other virtues that we have spoken of, like respect, responsibility, and courage. Whether we choose to be honest or dishonest does something to our character. If we lie, we become liars. If we cheat, we become cheaters. The tragic thing is that when we do these things, we are not only lying to and cheating others: we are also lying to and cheating ourselves. In the end, we are causing ourselves to grow more and more distant from our true selves. We are entrapping ourselves in an identity that is not really us. We are creating a false self that speaks and acts in such a way that harms both others and ourselves.
On the other hand, being honest frees us to be real. Being honest means, first of all, being honest with ourselves, as well as with others. Honest people speak the truth. Because of this, they can be trusted. They can also trust themselves.
Speaking the truth grounds us in reality, while those who lie are creating a false reality around them. When lying becomes a habit, the person gets to the point where he no longer knows what is real and what is not, what is true and what is not true, and what is right and what is wrong. Everything becomes cloudy.
In the story above, Debbie ends up running away from her friend. Her behavior has affected her relationship with her friend, Angie. She is afraid to face Angie because part of her knows that what she did was wrong. However, she is unable to stop herself, because lying and cheating have become such habits with her.
That day, Angie learned something about Debbie that she had not known before. The result is likely to be that Angie will trust and respect her friend less from now on. Their relationship will weaken, and they may even drift completely apart. However, if Debbie takes responsibility for her bad behavior and sincerely tries to change herself, their friendship can be saved and strengthened.
On her part, Angie must deal with her own struggle between loyalty to her friend and telling the truth. It is a real dilemma between two conflicting values. Loyalty is also a good character trait to have, but we see here that it must be weighed against other, perhaps more important, values.
In the end, Angie follows her conscience and tells her teacher what she saw Debbie doing. We see, however, that Miss Jenkins is already well aware of such behavior on Debbie’s part. From this, we can understand that dishonest people sometimes end up just fooling themselves. Their dishonesty creates for them a certain reputation that others can clearly see.
Although it was difficult to do, Angie made the right choice in telling her teacher about her friend. Debbie may feel that Angie has betrayed her, but a real friend does not allow their friends to do things that are wrong. To do so would only convince the offender that it’s okay to keep doing wrong. By standing by her beliefs, Angie makes Debbie face herself. It gives Debbie a chance to admit her mistake to someone and to try to change. The decision, of course, will finally be Debbie's to make—if she has the courage to do so.
In this lesson, we learn that honest people have stronger, better relationships with others. Their honesty makes them better people and it makes our world a better place. Truly, honesty is the best policy.
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you consider yourself an honest person?
2. What is your definition of an honest person?
3. How does it feel to be lied to?
4. How does it feel to be cheated?
5. Is cheating just another form of lying? In what way?
6. What would you do if you saw someone drop a hundred dollar bill without realizing it?
7. People often justify their dishonesty by saying that many people cheat and lie. What do you think of this kind of reasoning?
8. If you thought that eventually all of your actions would be written about in the newspapers and shown on TV, would that keep you honest?
9. Does lying destroy relationships?
10. Does being honest make life easier?
Exercise: “Honesty and Dishonesty”
Keep a list of all the examples of honesty and dishonesty that you encounter during the course of one week, including your own behavior. Observe also the entertainment media, and the way the news is reported. What are some of the excuses people give for lying and cheating? Are they valid? Try to explain what’s wrong with each of them. What did you learn about yourself through this exercise?
Reflection Exercise: “True Confessions”
Think about a time when you were dishonest; that is, when you lied or cheated. How did it happen? Did you try to justify your behavior? How did you feel about what you did afterwards? Did the situation affect any of your relationships? Did it cause any problems for you? How do you feel about it now? What did you learn from it?
She sat back to take a deep breath. As she was gazing nowhere in particular, she suddenly noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Her friend, Debbie, who sat in the next row over from her, was peering at a scrap of paper in the shelf under her desktop. She could clearly see some numbers written on the paper. As Angie sat staring, suddenly her friend noticed her, and shoved the paper into the shelf.
Debbie looked over at her and put her finger to her lips as if she was afraid Angie might say something to the teacher. Without showing any emotions on her face, Angie looked back at her own test and started working again.
Twenty-five minutes later, the bell rang to signal the end of the period. The teacher collected all the tests, and the students poured into the corridor. Debbie hurried out of the room without looking back at Angie, who scurried to try to catch up with her. She finally met up with her at Debbie’s locker.
Debbie was clearly embarrassed.
“What were you doing back there, Deb?” asked Angie, although she already knew the answer.
“Please don’t say anything to Miss Jensen,” Debbie pleaded.
“I can’t stand math. I just wanted to pass the test.”
“Deb,” retorted Angie. “I don’t like math any more than you do, but I don’t think it’s right to cheat.”
“Please, don’t tell,” was all her friend could say. She looked at Angie with beseeching eyes. As her eyes met Debbie’s, Angie looked down. To hold her friend's gaze meant she would have to either agree to, or reject, her friend’s plea right then and there. She needed time to think. Debbie rushed off.
It was lunch period. Angie shuffled slowly down to the cafeteria. An inner conflict raged within her. If she told Miss Jensen, she would be betraying her friend. If she didn’t, she would be breaking school rules and going against her own beliefs. What to do?
As she descended the stairs to the cafeteria, Angie noticed her math teacher, Miss Jensen, standing at the bottom, talking to one of her classmates. As she approached the bottom step, they finished their conversation, and the student walked off. Miss Jensen turned to Angie.
“Well, Angie, how was the test?” Miss Jensen knew how much Angie struggled with math.
Angie responded, “All right, I guess.” Should she tell her about Debbie?
“I know you worked hard to prepare for this test,” her teacher said. “I’m sure you did just fine.”
Miss Jensen began to walk away.
“Miss Jensen?” Angie found herself saying. “There is one thing I have to tell you.”
The teacher turned back around to face Angie. “Yes?”
“It’s about Debbie Hunter. I saw her cheating during the test.”
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Miss Jensen replied. “She cheats on practically every test.”
“Really?” Angie said wide-eyed. “Have you seen her do it?”
"No, but she doesn’t make much effort in class and often doesn’t turn in her homework. Then, when she does well on a test, I know something’s up. I guess I’ll have to have a conference with her and her mother again.” Miss Jensen shook her head and sighed. “She thinks she’s getting away with something, but all she is doing is hurting herself.”
She looked again at Angie. “Thanks for being honest, Angie. Don’t worry. You’re not betraying your friend; you’re helping her.”
Comments
Honesty is one of the most basic values in life. It influences every aspect of our character and is related to many other virtues that we have spoken of, like respect, responsibility, and courage. Whether we choose to be honest or dishonest does something to our character. If we lie, we become liars. If we cheat, we become cheaters. The tragic thing is that when we do these things, we are not only lying to and cheating others: we are also lying to and cheating ourselves. In the end, we are causing ourselves to grow more and more distant from our true selves. We are entrapping ourselves in an identity that is not really us. We are creating a false self that speaks and acts in such a way that harms both others and ourselves.
On the other hand, being honest frees us to be real. Being honest means, first of all, being honest with ourselves, as well as with others. Honest people speak the truth. Because of this, they can be trusted. They can also trust themselves.
Speaking the truth grounds us in reality, while those who lie are creating a false reality around them. When lying becomes a habit, the person gets to the point where he no longer knows what is real and what is not, what is true and what is not true, and what is right and what is wrong. Everything becomes cloudy.
In the story above, Debbie ends up running away from her friend. Her behavior has affected her relationship with her friend, Angie. She is afraid to face Angie because part of her knows that what she did was wrong. However, she is unable to stop herself, because lying and cheating have become such habits with her.
That day, Angie learned something about Debbie that she had not known before. The result is likely to be that Angie will trust and respect her friend less from now on. Their relationship will weaken, and they may even drift completely apart. However, if Debbie takes responsibility for her bad behavior and sincerely tries to change herself, their friendship can be saved and strengthened.
On her part, Angie must deal with her own struggle between loyalty to her friend and telling the truth. It is a real dilemma between two conflicting values. Loyalty is also a good character trait to have, but we see here that it must be weighed against other, perhaps more important, values.
In the end, Angie follows her conscience and tells her teacher what she saw Debbie doing. We see, however, that Miss Jenkins is already well aware of such behavior on Debbie’s part. From this, we can understand that dishonest people sometimes end up just fooling themselves. Their dishonesty creates for them a certain reputation that others can clearly see.
Although it was difficult to do, Angie made the right choice in telling her teacher about her friend. Debbie may feel that Angie has betrayed her, but a real friend does not allow their friends to do things that are wrong. To do so would only convince the offender that it’s okay to keep doing wrong. By standing by her beliefs, Angie makes Debbie face herself. It gives Debbie a chance to admit her mistake to someone and to try to change. The decision, of course, will finally be Debbie's to make—if she has the courage to do so.
In this lesson, we learn that honest people have stronger, better relationships with others. Their honesty makes them better people and it makes our world a better place. Truly, honesty is the best policy.
Questions for Reflection
1. Do you consider yourself an honest person?
2. What is your definition of an honest person?
3. How does it feel to be lied to?
4. How does it feel to be cheated?
5. Is cheating just another form of lying? In what way?
6. What would you do if you saw someone drop a hundred dollar bill without realizing it?
7. People often justify their dishonesty by saying that many people cheat and lie. What do you think of this kind of reasoning?
8. If you thought that eventually all of your actions would be written about in the newspapers and shown on TV, would that keep you honest?
9. Does lying destroy relationships?
10. Does being honest make life easier?
Exercise: “Honesty and Dishonesty”
Keep a list of all the examples of honesty and dishonesty that you encounter during the course of one week, including your own behavior. Observe also the entertainment media, and the way the news is reported. What are some of the excuses people give for lying and cheating? Are they valid? Try to explain what’s wrong with each of them. What did you learn about yourself through this exercise?
Reflection Exercise: “True Confessions”
Think about a time when you were dishonest; that is, when you lied or cheated. How did it happen? Did you try to justify your behavior? How did you feel about what you did afterwards? Did the situation affect any of your relationships? Did it cause any problems for you? How do you feel about it now? What did you learn from it?